Dusk 'Til Dawn
by zacefronlvr14
Summary: How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped, especially after something traumatizing and tragic. Do you keep trying or do you let him be? Based off of Charlie St. Cloud, as well.
1. Chapter 1

It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was so young. ...So kind, and innocent. I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming guilt, but I was sure that was nothing compared to what Troy is probably feeling. I looked over to my best friend and came across the look of distance and devastation marked on his features. His little brother had died in a car accident, in which Troy had been driving. Troy was lurched over his little brother's grave.

 _Here lays Samuel Bolton. Son. Brother. Friend._

"Troy, honey, it's time to go." Troy's mom, Lucille, said putting her hand on his shoulder and bending down to his figure.

"No." He whispered.

"Baby, please-"

"No mom. Go." His features darkened and his voice became fierce. He didn't want to leave Sam, but it was already too late.

"Troy Bolton, we need to go. You need to go home and rest. You're sick honey." Lucille said, helplessly. She reached next to Troy's ear. "Troy please, I can't lose another son. Please, I need you to come with me." Troy turned around to face his mom and my heart broke. He had tears running down his face. Never have I seen Troy cry. Vulnerable was never in Troy's character, but it seemed to be the only feeling inside of him. It wasn't long after that Troy broke down in his mother's arms, cuddling against her side and buried his face into her hair.

"I'm sorry Mama, I-I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. I did this." He sobbed. If the whole situation didn't tear me apart, then Troy's cry had ripped me to two, instantly.

All his mother did was shake her head and kiss the top of his head repeatedly, with tears running down her face.

Troy hadn't been the one to tell me, it was my mom who found out from Troy's. I tried calling Troy after I heard, repeatedly, but his phone was shut off. How could I make him feel better? I needed to make my best friend better. Troy's mom and his uncle had managed to get Troy off the ground and into the car where they drove off. I didn't get a chance to say anything, and even if I did, I wouldn't know what to say.

"We should go to, Shar." my mother had chided in, disrupting my many emotions and thoughts.

"Where?" I asked in a small voice.

"We'll go see Troy and Lucille honey, after we freshen up. I promise." I think my mom could sense how much of a need I had to be with Troy.

"O-okay."


	2. Chapter 2

By the time my mom and I headed over to Troy's house, everyone but his mom, uncle and aunt had left. It seemed as if Troy had left to. I couldn't catch sight of him in the living room.

"Hi Lucy." I said in a small voice.

She smiled warmly at me and hugged me tightly. How can she be so kind and comforting to me, after she had just suffered from the greatest loss a mother could have. Her own son being taken away.

"He's in the tree house. Can you go check up on him, for me?" She asked in a low voice.

All I could do was nod.

When I made it to his backyard, I looked around and then finally up. We haven't been up into the treehouse since we were 12. Troy had always said he was too old for it, but how he didn't want to take it down, just for memories sake. That's when it hit me that Sam loved playing in the treehouse. In fact, I'm pretty sure he claimed it as his own once he got the okay from Troy. His big brother who he looked up to, greatly. He'd been so excited that day, the fact that he was having something of Troy's. I swallowed the lump that had rose in the back of my throat, and climbed up the ladder into the treehouse. I found Troy huddled up in the corner with a cigarette in his mouth. My heart clenched at the sight of literal death on a stick.

My father had been a heavy smoker, which inevitably lead to his untimely demise due to lung cancer. He never stopped and that broke me. He couldn't stop for his own family. His own daughter. Troy knew I resented my father for it, even beyond his grave.

"Why are you here?" Troy's voice broke through the raging discomfort I had. He must have heard me come up, but he didn't turn around.

"H-how'd you know it was me."

"Because I know you."

"Oh, well, um I just came up to check up on you." I crawled closer to him. He still wouldn't look at me. "Troy?"

He let out a soft sigh. "Leave, Sharpay."

"Troy-"

"Are you fucking deaf? Do I have to repeat myself?" He said through his clenched teeth, looking down at his cigarette.

I was standing my ground.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, Troy. You need someone, and I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Well, I want you to damnit." It was then when he finally looked into my eyes. Where once were kind, whimsical eyes were now replaced by a cold and distant navy blue. "I don't want you here, Sharpay. Not in his treehouse."

I tried to get words out, but nothing came out, as my gaze was kept on the cigarette between his brittle fingers.

He seemed to have caught on to where I was looking before he let out a scoff. "Grow up for god's sake Sharpay."

"Troy, what-"

"What Sharpay? Does it piss you off that I have this? Does it remind you of how poor old daddy died?" He said, gesturing to the cigarette, letting out a small, ridiculing laugh. My silence was his answer.

"Since when did you start smoking?"

He scoffed, "You just never knew."

My silence fell in the way of my shock. I had never heart Troy talk like this in our past 10 years of friendship. He wasn't even making sense. I know under the circumstances of what happened, I expected Troy to be...not okay, but I didn't expect this. I hoped he would let me in and help him with whatever he needed, like he usually did.

"Troy, I know you're hurting. Please just tell me what you need so I can help you feel better?"

"If I knew I was talking to a brick wall, I wouldn't have even have wasted my breath. I told you, Sharpay. Leave. Now." His voice grew louder, which was starting to scare me. But I couldn't just leave him.

"Troy please-" I said putting my hand on his cheek softly. That was a mistake. Troy let out a low growl and grabbed my arm, twisting it away from him.

"Troy!"

"Why is it so difficult for you to understand huh?"

"Stop, stop!" I cried, noticing that the cigarette was close to my skin.

"Stop what Sharpay? I just lost my brother. If you really want to help me, fucking don't talk to me, don't look at me. Leave.

"Why are you acting like this?" I said through my tears looking up into his emotionless eyes, trying to search for an answer. I let out a scream followed by a sob, when the burnt ashes had fallen from the cigarette onto my skin. "Troy, please let me go, please, you're hurting me. I'm sorry, please let me go."

Those words seemed to have shocked Troy since he let go of me and pulled away from me completely and dashed to the other side of the tree house. I clutched my arm close to my body. It fucking hurts. I couldn't look at him.

"L-leave Sharpay. I mean it, go and don't come back. I don't want you near me. Go." He said as if he was disgusted.

"W-what did I do wrong Troy?"

He responded with a deadly glare that sent me running back home.


	3. Chapter 3

December 22, 2009

Winter vacation.

"Here are the last of your bags, baby. I'll let you get settled in." My mom helped me to bring the last couple of suitcases I had for my December and January stay back in Albuquerque.

"Thanks Ma." I let out a small laugh and smiled appreciatively at my mom. She really did have the best interest at heart for me and I was happy she was finally happy. I guess I should fill you in since my last abrupt update. For starters, it's always been my mom and I for awhile, until recently. My mom was a social worker and had quote on quote fallen in love with her co-worker, Danny. Honestly, I'm happy my mom had Danny when I left for college. He's a good guy who has a good heart and I can tell that my mom is one of the lights of his life.  
"PAYYYYY!" A little body collided with mine, while I was turned around.

I let out a groan and picked up that little body, my stepsister, Ari. Danny's 9 year old daughter, the main light of his life, and mine too, I have to say.

"Hey trouble." I smirked and kissed her forehead.

"Ugh, about time you came. Someone can finally watch Disney channel with me. Dad says he's too old for it."

"Psh, don't listen to him, no one is too old for Disney right?" I kissed her head again before setting her down. She quickly went to sit up on my bed and picked up paint samples that I had brought in.

"So we're going for a forest-green color for your walls amiright?" Ari flipped through the many samples in a deep focus. This girl may be 9 but she's a lot more knowledgible that she lets on. Let's just say 9 year old me would be jealous of her.

I let out a sigh I've been holding in for the entire day and plopped onto the bed next to her. "Right you are."

Coming home was always a complicated circumstance for me. I went to school in San Francisco, so coming back home while I was dying during finals seemed to be the only thing to look forward to, but I always felt indifferent when I actually came home. As melodramatic as this sounds. Home wasn't home to me anymore. Home reminded me of Troy, and well, Troy wasn't a part of my life anymore. A person would think that two years away from someone who broke your heart would be enough time. Well not for me. And it sucks, like really fricken sucks. I hadn't seen him since our last encounter in which he basically told me to piss off and never talk to him again. To say I've asked myself why everyday would be an understatement. I never knew what I did to him for him to say all those to me, and it ate me up to my core. He was so important to me, and if I'm being honest, he still is. But I need to realize things are different now, and it's time I really do my best to move on. Maybe changing my scenery at home can be a start.

"Are you sure it's not too dark? What about a gray?" Ari suggested.

"I-"

"Sharpay! Ari! Dinner is ready!" my mom informed us.

"We," I said taking the paint sample out of her little hands and setting them on my dresser. "Shall pick this up later. Let's go eat."

"Kay-Kay!" Ari raced to the bottom of the stairs. Even if me and Ari weren't related by blood, we both had one thing in common. We'll never say no to food.

I got ready to follow behind her when a flicker of light caught my attention. Troy's window. My heart leaped and before I knew it, I was rushing down the stairs. I couldn't handle seeing him right now, I would start thinking about him again. And I really don't want that, but too late.


	4. Chapter 4

My mom and I were clearing up the kitchen after everyone was done eating.

"So Pay, I've been dying to ask you something…"

"Oh no, I'm scared." I said letting out a chuckle.

She put her hip on the island, leaning against it. "Do you ever think about talking to Troy again?"

I froze and my heart skipped a beat. I was not expecting her to ask me something like that. She was aware of our history after Sam died. "Um actually, I don't." I whispered.

"Why not?" mom asked me curiously.

I turned around to face my mom, but instead of looking at her, I just looked at feet. "Mom you know everything that happened between us. I haven't talked to him in 3 months, I highly doubt he would want to see me." I said in a low voice. It didn't help that I hadn't thought about Troy at all this dinner compared to the rest of the day where I couldn't even stop thinking about him.

"Honey, he's changed. I don't know if you heard but he went through even more after you left. He…"

"No mom, I don't want to hear it. If you'll excuse me, I think everything here is clean. I'm going to my room." I stated strongly, before I hurried up the the stairs into my room and plopped onto my bed. I looked up to the ceiling and tears started to fall from my eyes. Dammit. I hated how just even Troy's name brings out emotions that I've worked on barricading for the past three years. I haven't been able to feel anything from any other guys. Just Troy. Yknow what hurts the most is that beyond my feelings for him, I miss my best friend. He was always so protective and caring towards me and he always knew what to do and say to make me laugh. God, I missed him. All these thoughts led me to crying all curled up in an emotional shit ball. It wasn't until I felt someone tapping on my shoulder that I opened up my eyes and looked up to see Ari.

"Can I sleep with you Pay? I missed you."

I sniffled before I picked her little body up. "Of course, baby."  
When she was settled into the bed, she immediately cuddled up to me. Gosh, my little sister never knew how much comfort she brings to me. I'm truly blessed to have her in my life.

It was silent for several minutes, until I saw she had fallen asleep. I carefully got up to wash my face and rinse off before settling back into the warm comforter. Ari instinctively cuddled into me again but not before she whispered, "I know you still love Troy, Pay. It's okay because he still loves you too."


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning feeling a but disoriented and looked over to the weight on my arm and say Ari still sleeping. What she said to me the night before came rushing back.

"It's okay because he still loves you too." How would she even know that?

I put a hand through my hair before I got up to freshen up.

A number of questions and thoughts were running through my mind as I was getting ready.

How would Ari even know that? Wait, what is it exactly that Ari knows between me and Troy? Because I sure as hell have dodged the idea of him and his name with every opportunity that was thrown my way. Most of all, I doubt that Troy loves me. After our last encounter and failure to keep in touch over the years, again, I highly doubt it, and it's kind of easier to turn the idea down. It pushes me to stop thinking about him.

One of the places I wanted to revisit was my favorite Barnes and Noble bookstore. I can truly say that place is my safe haven. I love looking through all the books and supplies there. Most of all, I love going there when it's empty and sitting in the cafe while doing some of my work. It's peaceful and it gives me some sort of contentment. I don't share this place with anyone I know, it's mine.

I traveled downstairs to grab an orange before I headed out to see Ari all ready to go to school.

"Okay, I'm gonna head out, I will see you guys later." I went over to kiss Ari's head, while grabbing my backpack, and leaned my head against my mom's shoulder and smiled up to her.

"Bye honey!" "Bye Pay!"

I opened the door to see

None other than

Troy.

Holy shit.

I was frozen for a little while, as was he. He still had the same sandy brown hair, but was combed out and he definitely had bulked up. I mean not too much, but he wasn't exactly a noodle anymore.

He seemed to take me in. Both our mouths were agape, not really knowing what to say or do. Months and months after not being in contact and so much...just physically..has changed.

I somehow managed to break the ice. I managed to ask, "W-What are you doing h-here?"

"Uh-" He looked nervous as hell as he rubbed the back of his neck and avoided eye contact with me. _Ouch._ But what was I expecting? A greeting hug? "I'm here to pick up Ariana."

"Why." I asked a lot sharper than I intended to.

"I-I always drop her off at school before I go to work."

What?

"TROOYYYY!" Ari came crashing onto Troy's leg, shoving me out of the way.

Troy stumbled a little from the force and smiled down at Ari.

"Hey Ari." Troy smiled.

"Oh-uh-okay." I side stepped them and climbed into my car, wanting to leave before Troy did.

Why did I feel like my kid sister had betrayed me? She looked so excited to see Troy, and vise versa. How much has happened since I left? All I was left feeling was stunned. I hate that Troy had that power over me.

"Hey kiddo!"

I let out a little chuckle before going over to hug one of my favorite people.

"Hey Mr. Guzman, how are ya?" Mr. Guzman is one of the OG workers at this Barnes and Noble. He's pretty much the supervisor and you see him jumping from station to station. He was either working at the cafe one day or he was checking out books and placing them on shelves while eating mini-pretzels.

"Good. Tired. Fat." He mumbled. I just shook my head and smiled to myself. "How about you?"

"I'm good, I'm back for break-"

"Ooh, speaking of, Cam, my break is now, get your attractive slf up to the floor and get me some customers.

"Coming boss!"

Cam?

I turn around to see a 6'2'' hunk. Tall and lanky and beautiful. Hazel eyes and hair and I'm kind of speechless. He definitely got my attention.

"Oh Cameron, this is Sharpay! A regular, when she's home anyway and my favorite customer! Make her a drink on the house." He whispers the last part before disappearing into the break room. He peeks out again. "Come in here after you get your drink, I have some chisme."

I look back at Mr. Tall and Handsome and flash him the best smile I can. "Uh-hi. I'm Sharpay." I said quietly enough for him to hear while extending my arm for a handshake.

"Hey, I'm Cameron, you can call me Cam." He said taking my hand, shaking it, flashing a million dollar smile. Oh my god. "Here let me go make your drink. Guzman seems pretty excited to see you."

"Oh yeah, sure." I chuckled nervously, putting a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"And what would you like m'lady?"

"Mango Sunrise with honey please." _Honey._

After grabbing my drink and saying thank you, I go into the back room where I see Guzman eating his lunch that he grabbed from the cafe.

"Ah-sit down-sit down." He said patting the seat next to him.

"So, what's this gossip you need to share with me."

"Well maybe I should ask you first. How's Troy-boy?" he said mockingly

I choke on my drink. "Troy-what?"

He rolls his eyes. "Troy. How are you two?"

I glare at him. "You already know."

The next day after Troy and I's argument, I came to Guzman crying. He knew how much I cared about Troy and well if I'm being honest, Guzman was one of the closest things I had to a dad, and I didn't know who else to go to. I sobbed my eyes out in the backroom while him and his wife listened and comforted me, bringing me my favorite drink and letting me calm myself down. Guzman and his wife were really there for me. Guzman's wife is currently sick. She has the big C, which makes me hate cancer even more. It always robs the people I care about the most. My dad and now her.

"Hm, well, do you know what's been new with him?"

"Besides the fact that he's apparently taking my little sister to school everyday and me running into him again for the first time in months...nope. And I'd like to leave it that way."  
"Aiya, you're such a bad liar. Of course you want to know what happened to him" He dramatically sighs.

"Honestly, it's better off that I don't." I smile sadly, but he seemed to understand.

"He'll tell you. Trust." I look up from my drink confused.

"What do you m-...? My phone lets out an obnoxious ring indicating I got a text. I read it over quickly and sigh. "I'm sorry Mr. Guz, I have to go pick up some stuff for my mom before I head home."

"No worries mi hija. I'll see you later. I mean if you don't want Troy anymore, I heard Cameron is single. At least come back for him" I let out a hearty laugh.

"I will! But not for the reason you're thinking! Send Mrs. Guzman my love!"

"I will. And Sharpay!"

"Yeah?"

"He'll come around." I think he was referring to Troy. What? Has Troy got the whole town wired?

I solemnly nod and make my exit to my car.


	6. Chapter 6

"So when were you planning on telling me that Troy is involved with Ari?" I asked my mom, throwing the keys onto the black island.

"Involved?"

I scoffed. "You know what I mean mom."

"Look, it really isn't that big of a deal Sharpay. I got busy around morning time and it just so happens that Troy's work passes by Ari's school in the morning. He offered. I said yes. And thank god for that." Mom responded curtly.

"He offered?"

"Sharpay." Okay maybe I wasn't making it easy for my mom with all these acussing sounding questions. However, I just don't understand how Troy is so wrapped up in our lives again since I left, and I just had no idea until I saw him standing outside my house. I sighed.

"I'm sorry, it's just-I-I don't know." I really didn't/

"Talk to me honey." Mom begged.

"I don't even know what I'm supposed to say. He's changed, he looks different." _I miss him_ is what I really wanted to say.

"I mean you haven't seen him in quite a while, it was bound to happen." She said, grabbing and holding my hand.

"Yeah, I guess." All of a sudden I just wanted to burst into tears. "I miss him mom, I miss my best friend."

"Oh, honey." Mom came and wrapped her arms around me while I clung onto her crying onto her shoulder.

"I thought it'd stop hurting mom, I just want it to stop." I managed to say before sobs took over me again. I heard mom gasp softly and pulled away to look at her. "Mom, what?" Her eyes were facing behind my shoulder, so I turned to what she was gaping at.

 _Troy. And Ari._

"Hi, sweetheart" Mom wiped away a tear and sniffled. She was crying too? "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, um I just wanted to walk Ari inside so I knew she would get inside safely."

"Yeah! Troy's superman! He's my protector." Ari hugged Troy's neck as he was giving her a piggyback inside. I could tell how much Ari looked up to Troy. Like he really was her protector, her big brother that she always wanted, like he hung the stars in the sky. Troy just smiled at her.

Mom let out a laugh before taking Ari off of Troy's back. "Um, me and Ari will leave you two...to catch up." Well that was the last thing I wanted.

"Bye, Ari." Troy whispered quietly towards Ari with a smile.

"Bye!" Ari said swiftly before running towards the kitchen.

Mom gave me a look before she followed Ari. _Please, listen to him._

I couldn't even grow the courage to look at him and neither could he with me. We stayed silent for a while while the night continued to carry on. Seconds felt like eternity before he decided to break the silence.

"Hey." Troy voiced it as if he spoke any higher that I would crack.

I nodded curtly, still not look at him but actually turned away from him. I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my head.

"How are you?" I scoffed totally disregarding the awkwardness.

"How are you? That's what you're going to ask me after how long." Months after not talking and shutting me out he somehow decides he has the audacity to ask me how I am?

"Shar-" He sighed. That hit a chord. I hadn't heard him say my nickname in that long. I turned around finally growing the balls to shoot daggers at him with my eyes.

"Don't even fucking call me that." I spat.

He swallowed. "I'm sorry."

"Whatever." I walked past him. I couldn't deal.

"You know Sharpay, you can't keep running away from me." Troy said in a stern tone.

"Excuse me?" I said incredulously turning around to face him.

"You pretending like I don't exist and your efforts at dodging me aren't necessary or much less working."

This fired me up. "Remind me again Troy, who said to me that I needed to leave you alone and never acknowledge you again? Oh right," I chucked with no humor. "It was you. So, forgive me for doing what you asked me to do."

"Sharpay, that-look, I know what I said, and I'm sorry Sharpay, I really am. I was in a bad mindset and I know I said and did some pretty terrible things to you, but don't you want to leave the past behind? To let this go and move on?" Since when did Troy get all high and mighty with his apologies.

"What? Did your therapist write that apology out for you?" Okay, that was a low blow. I had heard from some source that Troy was forced to see a therapist after he did some damage. On what? I don't know and neither do I want to.

Now, Troy was set off.

"Listen," he hissed. "I'm trying like hell to move on, Sharpay. I've pretty much figured and forgiven myself for a majority of my fuck ups, except with what happened with us."  
"Yeah, well that's not my problem."

"I know this has sucked for you too, Sharpay so don't try to act all tough and heartless. Not with me. Both of our families have given me an earful of what happened with our fallout. Plus, if you honestly think that I haven't felt like shit for the past couple of months, then that just shows how much you know me."

"That's the thing Troy, I don't fucking know you! I don't want to anymore. You fucked me up, Troy. You did one of the worst things you could have ever done to me and pushed me away from one of the only people who made me feel safe. And look, I'm sorry that Sam died, okay? But I can tell you he'd be pretty disappointed in the person you became." Shit. I said the words before I could stop them from spilling.

"Don't you dare bring up Sam's name like that again, Sharpay." Troy said through clenched teeth. I crossed a line. I fucked up.

"T-Troy, I'm sorry."

"Don't pretend like you know me Sharpay, especially off our last arrangement. But I'm different. I went through some pretty fucked up shit when you left. You're mad, yeah? I get it. You're pissed. But the longer you have your head up your ass about not wanting to make things right. Well, then that's on you." He all but said this under his breath. I should have been yelled at. I deserved it. I preferred it. Because the way Troy was saying this now, broke me all over again. "You can't run from me forever. That's not how we work."

"There is no we, anymore Troy."

I could see that Troy was obviously tired from putting up and looking for a fight. "Yeah well, we promised long before that we were going to be friends for a long time."

"That was before you abandoned me!" I yelled. Tears of frustration ran down my face. I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. "That was before you left me." I bit out harshly knocking his shoulder before going inside and locking myself in my room. I didn't even see his reaction. Did I make things worse? Probably. Did I care? I regretted it so much, but it just hurt too much.

What was going to happen now?


	7. Chapter 7

I heard pretty obnoxious knocks on my door. I just continued looking at the door, waiting for it to stop. It didn't, if anything it grew louder.

"WHAT?"

"Sharpay, I'm sorry, but please let me explain." Troy was wide-eyed and puffing when I opened the door. He seemed to be pretty surprised that I opened it.

"There's nothing to explain. I get it." I tried closing the door but he managed to slide himself in while I tried to push it close. C'mon.

"Sharpay, I didn't abandon you. That was not my intention." He puffed standing across me and panting. Why the hell are you puffing? Calm down.

"Are you sure about that, because that's what it seemed like." Maybe I was being relentless, but I didn't care.

"I didn't know what I needed, but I knew enought to be able to understand that I was in a really bad headspace. I knew that I was capable of hurting someone...and I did.

"Damn straight, now please if you would so kindly leave." I smirked pointing towards the door

"Sharapy, please, I'm trying here." Troy said exasperated. I had to give it to him, I wasn't making things any easier on him, and I was denying him any relief, but I was mad. He really fucked me over

"I-I know. But you don't understand how much you hurt me Troy."

"Then tell me Sharapy, I want to know." He said quietly as if he spoke too loud then it would being our yelling fest back up again. He seemed sincere in wanting to know, so I told him.

"I wasn't expecting what happened that day to go that far. All I was trying to do was be there for my best friend. When I climbed up to check on you and you told me to leave...that's probably the worst thing you could have said to me that day."

"What do you mean?"

"It was my job, and I more than anything wanted to be with you, no matter what. I-I didn't care if you were going to give me a hard time. And then you did, and I left and it was my fault-" I started to ramble. My heart was running miles and miles and the words just kept coming out after I held them in for so long.

"Woah, woah, stop, stop. You need to understand that you did everything you could that day Sharpay, but it was me who wasn't letting you be there. At the time, I didn't want you to." He said convincingly, looking at me as if he had no other choice.

"You never answered exactly why you didn't want me there."

"I don't know how to answer that or give you the answer you want." This was bullshit. If he was scared that I wouldn't handle the truth then that's just stupid. If anything knowing the truth, would set me free.

"Troy, I'm not in the mood for reading in between the lines just tell me. I want the whole truth."  
"I wanted to hurt you." He whispered after a while hanging his head down.

"What, why?"

"Because that was the only way I could get rid of you." He finally looked up at me and you could just see how much regret and sadness held in them when he told me.  
"What did I do wrong?" I squeaked.  
"Christ, that's the thing. You didn't do anything wrong." He groaned, running a hand through his sandy locks and squeezing his eyes.

"Then why would you need to get rid of me?" Troy stood silent looking at the ground before walking closer to me until we were an arm's length apart.  
"You were supposed to be in the car with me and Sam that day."

"Troy-what?"

"If you were in the car, you would've been sitting where Sam was when we got it. You would've died on impact, like he did. The only reason you weren't there is because you didn't want to go eat with us after I practically begged you to come with. If you did go, you would've been dead, and I would've been responsible for killing you too."

"Oh, Troy, no." I whispered. This is what he's been carrying this entire time? The possibility of what at the end of the day would not be in his control. My heart broke and tears started welling up.

"It made me realize that I couldn't lose you like that. If Sam's death destroyed me like that. I know for a fact I would never get over with what I would've done to you." A tear fell down his cheek when his voice cracked on the last word. He looked like he was in so much agony. I needed to put an end to it. He couldn't destroy himself any further.

"When are you going to understand that entire accident was just that, an accident? An accident that was not your fault, especially not your fault. Troy, you did everything right. It was that drunk bastard's fault for getting in a car fucked up as he was. And you- you held Sam when he was scared, and I know for a fact he felt safe with you there. He knew that before he left he was loved. That's all that you could have done for him and some."

"Then why do I feel like I murdered him." He stared straight into my soul, his eyes pleading for the reality to set him free.  
"Because you're letting your fear of losing the people you love, fall onto your shoulders. You're expecting the worst when you need to realize some things are not in your control. You do what you do best, which is you care and love Troy, and you live and cherish each moment. I know maybe other people have told you this but, do you think Sam would want to know that his big brother is blaming himself for his death? No, he wouldn't. He would want you to live life to the fullest, because if there's someone who deserves to live the best life possible, it's you."

"You really mean that?" He breathed, while tears were falling down his rosy cheeks. I smiled softly. Maybe some of my words were finally digging through his thick, stubborn skull.

"More than you know. Troy, I can't be a hypocrite. I don't want to blame myself for what happened with us anymore. It's held me back and I don't want that to prevent me from living my life. I want my best friend back, Troy." I stayed silent for a while. "Is this too fast, or what do you say?"


	8. Chapter 8

"I-I don't know, Sharpay." Troy said coyly.

What? Shock took over me, wasn't he just preaching to me about moving on? "What do you mean?"

"It's just-I know you Sharpay. After all the things I've said and done, I know you won't be able to forgive me."

"You don't know that."

"But think about it Sharpay, really think about it. You're going to have some sort of grudge over me, no matter how much we might want things to go back to the way they were."

"I thought you were the one who told me that we should move on and leave all that happened in the past."

"I did, and I meant it but I don't think it's going to happen as fast as you are hoping it will. I still need to earn your trust back. Your full trust. Because trust me, I want things to go back to the way they were, but I want our friendship to be one with no grudges, because then what's the point?"

Well, I guess he did have a point, but how was this going to work? He was right, even if I didn't want to admit, I would still have a defensive wall up against him, but after everything that's happened between us, how can I not? "So how should we do this then?"

"I guess we just take it one day at a time. I mean we can start by catching up?" He perked his eyebrows up, insinuating a start.

"Y-yeah. We can do that." I said a little nervously.

"Alright, cool. So um, do you want to get something maybe tomorrow?" His confidence seemed to grow as I kept complying.

"Yeah, that sounds good." I let out a genuine smile. We were making progress and I was giving him a chance, and maybe that was a good enough step for today. "Well, I think I should head up."

"Oh, yeah, you're right, I'll see you tomorrow, say 7 at Bib's?" He gave a small smile as I nodded, putting his hands in his pocket before he left.

"Okay." I whispered, letting out a small breath.

" _I'm not going to leave you alone, Troy. You need someone, and I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."_

" _Well, I want you to dammit." It was then when he finally looked into my eyes. Where once were kind, whimsical eyes were now replaced by a cold and distant navy blue. "I don't want you here, Sharpay. Not in his treehouse."_

 _I tried to get words out, but nothing came out, as my gaze was kept on the cigarette between his brittle fingers._

 _He seemed to have caught on to where I was looking before he let out a scoff. "Grow up for god's sake Sharpay."_

" _Troy, what-"_

" _What Sharpay? Does it piss you off that I have this? Does it remind you of how poor old daddy died?" He said, gesturing to the cigarette, letting out a small, ridiculing laugh. My silence was his answer._

" _Since when did you start smoking?"_

 _He scoffed, "You just never knew."_

" _Troy, I know you're hurting. Please just tell me what you need so I can help you feel better?"_

" _If I knew I was talking to a brick wall, I wouldn't have even have wasted my breath. I told you, Sharpay. Leave. Now." His voice grew louder, which was starting to scare me."Troy please-" I said putting my hand on his cheek softly. That was a mistake. Troy let out a low growl and grabbed my arm, twisting it away from him._

" _Troy!"_

" _Why is it so difficult for you to understand huh?"_

" _Stop, stop!" I cried, noticing that the cigarette was close to my skin._

" _Stop what Sharpay? I just lost my brother. If you really want to help me, fucking don't talk to me, don't look at me. Leave."_

I woke up so sweaty and panting. God, I hate that memory. I hate it so much. I pulled my knees to my chest and put my head on top of them and just cried. It hit me, that Troy was especially right. I don't trust him. He didn't want me around anymore. He probably just felt guilty and needed my forgiveness. He told me to leave, he didn't want me. My phone buzzed and I lifted my head to look at the notification.

"See you tomorrow. I'm excited to catch up. :)"

No, no I couldn't do this. I'm not ready. I can't see him.

5 missed calls and 3 missed text messages.

" _Hey, I was just wondering if you remember the directions to Bib's? Making you forgot, it's okay it's been a while. Here I'll text them to you."_

" _Hey Shar, I'm still here if you wanna come...it's been 45 minutes.._ "

" _Sharpay, I know you're dodging my calls, can you at least answer? Y'know what forget it, I'm coming over."_

Shit.

And of course, right on cue, the doorbell rang and Troy Bolton walked right on in when mom opened the door before I could tell her not too.

"Troy honey, what are you doing here?"

"Is Sharpay here?" He said stoically.

"Yeah, she's right-" My mom moved out of the way and my eyes landed on Troy. He looked pissed. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's okay mom, uh Troy do you wanna go in the backyard?" I didn't want to worry my mom, she seemed more hopeful lately, maybe it's because of me and Troy working on things, I didn't want to break it to her. Troy followed me into the backyard and I pushed myself out onto the patio holding onto the railings.

"So were we supposed to hangout today, or did I totally misread yesterday's conversation?" Troy was the first to speak.

I just stayed silent, I couldn't even look at him. I needed to stay strong and I knew the second I turned around and saw him, I would fall apart.

"Say something." Troy instigated, sounding more irritated and impatient as he continued to speak.

"I couldn't do it." I finally managed to squeak out.

"What? What couldn't you do? Show up? Try? What?" He was taunting me and that made me mad.

"Don't talk to me that way." He didn't understand.

"Why, I mean I think I'm asking a valid question. It sounded like you really wanted to try but you just decide not to show up? What's up with that?" He said, clenching his teeth. Troy was never this aggressive and pushy before, well before our fight. I didn't like this.

"I told you, I couldn't."

"Why." He said, raising his voice before grabbing my arm and turning me to him.

"You were right okay! Things won't ever be the same! I-I don't know. I can't look at you and pretend to pick things off like nothing happened."

"I told you it wouldn't be easy but I thought we were going to try." His eyes were wide and I could see tears gathering in them.

"I know I said that Troy, I know. But you don't get it."

"Jesus Christ, what the fuck don't I get?" He yelled and grasped both my arms tighter before I pushed myself off of him.

"Everytime I look at you, I can't help but feel like you're lying. That maybe you feel guilty and obligated, and that's why you're wanting to make things different."

"Wow, man three months really changed your view on me. You think that low of me?" He sounded so hurt and defeated. Fuck.

"Troy, please. I don't know what to think. I'm so confused. I want to be friends again, I want my best friend back, god trust me, I do." I was spiraling and I could tell. This is what always happened when I'd get overwhelmed.

"Then give me the chance." Troy said hoarsely and desperately. He was truly pleading.

"How? I can't help that I feel like this."

"How can I change your mind then?"

I was silent for a moment and really tried to sink in the answer to his question. "Why are you trying so hard to fix things?"

"You're really asking me that?" He scoffed. "Fine, well tell me something first. Did anyone tell you what happened to me while you were gone?" His eyes were hard and fierce.

"N-no, I mean they told me something happened, but not what it was."

"I was in the hospital. I overdosed." He bit out. "I drank too much and I got really fucked up. I wasn't breathing, I was dead for a while Sharpay. And the last fucking thought I had was that I messed up big time. With you, Sam, and my mom. You were always there for me when I was alone, and I pushed you away, I said horrible things to you, I-I burned you. And fuck, did I regret it." I tried to digest what he said, but he kept on going. I think he felt as if he needed to get it out before he'd chicken out; that much I could tell.

"Guzman was the one who found me, after I wasn't answering anyone's calls. I was outside Bib's in the back curled up with my own vomit next to me with my eyes shut. He had to give me mouth to mouth and then the only thing I remember is him sticking his fingers down my throat and then going to hospital, almost sure that I wasn't going to make it. Then they sent me to rehab and I got counseling and then my own fucking mom had to get counseling because I did something selfish and made her sick, almost taking away both of her sons. I've never seen her cry so much, not even when Sam died. I did that to her." His tears started to fall down his face rapidly. It was this moment, when I looked at Troy, really looked at him. He was exhausted. Mentally and physically. He was hurting, possibly more than I was.

"I survived something I had no right to, and I just went to a really dark place, and played with fate again, and I was lucky time and time again, but then I realized something. I had to make things right with you. You were my best friend and you mattered to me, and I had to make something right. I needed to fix what I made because-" He choked before he could give out his reasoning

"Because what Troy." I urged softly, before he boxed me in against the railing with his arms on both sides of mine.

"I-I love you and I hurt you and I couldn't stand feeling that way anymore. So yes, you're right I did feel guilty, but trust me it was for all the right reasons. I'm not obligated to try, I sincerely want to try. I want my best friend back in my life Sharpay. I need you, okay? And that's why I'm so desperate. Please, I'm begging you, try. For me, please." He finished with desperation gleaming, mixing in with his tears.


	9. Chapter 9

"So how do we do this then?" My heart was breaking for two reasons. One, I have deprived myself of putting my heart out again for a chance at happiness, all because one instance in my life has scarred me into never wanting to let anyone in ever again. Two, I know how Troy must be feeling at this moment. His eyes are screaming with the emotion of regret and desperation. I want to work through this, but is it enough for me to risk getting hurt again.

"I-I don't know." He sighed. How do you figure things like this out? He walked past me and sat on the deck's step with his head furrowed in his hands.

"I want us to be okay now, Troy. So I want to ask you...how are you feeling right now?" I asked, wanting to ease some of the attention off of me and also, I do want to know how Troy's been doing.

"Honestly, I feel hopeless. I feel like no matter what I say or try to do; I won't earn your trust back. There's a different vibe between us now, and it feels so far out of reach, and I don't know what to do to fix it." He looked defeated, and it was evident in his posture. He was meeting me halfway. To give him the benefit of the doubt, I should too."

"The reason I didn't follow through with today was that I'm scared that someone like you who has such an impact over my emotions and thoughts, can ruin me. It was so hard getting back from where things left off between us." I hoped he didn't read too much into my response, because I admitted I had more than platonic feelings for him.

"Believe me; it was hard for me too."

"How are you doing so far? With Sam and your mom and everything?" I hoped things were better from what he told me moments ago.

"I'm a fucking train wreck. But I'm working on it. My head is pretty far gone as to say it's screwed up. I'm going to counseling. I do have a pretty awesome therapist. She works with me and my mom, too. She's been getting support too, and it's doing a good number on her. So that's good We've been trying to work on my coping skills and my anger issues. A lot of breathing exercises and strumming my guitar."

"You picked up Sadie?" Sadie was what he named his guitar. His pride and joy. He used to play her for hours on end, really severely might I add. But he loved playing it, especially for Sam

"Yeah, haha I picked up Sadie." He laughed. For the first time since we've talked, I sensed some relief and genuine happiness in his voice. It made me happy for him.

"That's great. I'm really happy to hear that." I was. I'm happy he was finding his way again.

"I miss him," Troy whispered out of the blue. I can't imagine what's been going on in his head. A big part of me feels sad that I couldn't be there for him. However, if he wanted a reply, he was going to get an honest one.

"He misses you too. And as much as I know Sam, he's giving you a lot of shit right now for what's happened."

"That he is." Troy laughed.

"Hm. But I know he's proud of you too."

Troy looked up at me and caught sight of how close we are. "I really hope so. As hard as it is, I want to live for him. Do the things he didn't get to do that he always wanted to. You know, he even made a list."

"He did?" I asked intrigued

"Yeah, you know what. I have it right here." Troy pulled out a folded and crumpled piece of binder paper and unfolded it.

Before I'm 18:

Makeout with a hot girl

Try ants on a log

Learn how to surf

Beat Troy in basketball

Straighten Chad's hair

Buy mom an expensive necklace

Get straight A's

Find my dad and tell him he's a dick

Get my Warriors jersey signed by Steph Curry

Make my mom and brother proud

I smiled at the last task on his list. "These sound so much like Sam."

"Yeah, that dork is an interesting one."

"Well, I guess you better get on it." I smiled at Troy and nudged his arm.

"Yeah." He replied softly. "Actually, would you want to help me?" Woah, uh..."

I let out a nervous laugh. "You mean I straighten Chad's hair...I think we both know how that's going to end." Chad would probably cry. No, he would most definitely cry.

"Oh, I wouldn't dare put you through that drama." "I mean, I know some of these tasks are interesting, but uh some of these I could use your help on." We sat in silence as I contemplated my decision. He knew he might not get the answer he was hoping for, but asked regardless. Honestly, how am I ever going to be happy again, if I don't try to do something about it? And being happy still would mean getting my best friend back. I wanted to try. I wanted to give in the effort. And maybe marking things off this list for Sam would lift off any burden that's on Troy's shoulder, and mine as well."

"Okay," I say, smiling.

"We should probably get rid of the hardest task?" For the first time since Sam died, I saw Troy flash his signature smile. A smile that makes someone else smile just as much.

"Number five?" I sincerely reply with a sigh.

"I was thinking number two. As for five, let's save the best for last." He smirked.


End file.
